30 Rules for Men

Call
Don’t lie
Ordering for her is good… telling her what she wants is bad.
Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
Honey, darling, sweetheart are good. Nag, lardass or bitch are bad.
A grunt is not an acceptable answer to any question.
None of your exes were ever nicer, prettier or better in bed.
Her cooking is excellent.
That fact is not an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
Dishwashing and laundry soap are your friends.
Hat does not equal shower. Aftershave does not equal soap. And warm does not equal clean.
Buying her dinner is not equivalent to foreplay.
Answering the question “who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody!” is never going to end the conversation.
Ditto for “whose lipstick is this!?”
Believe it or not, you’re not more attractive when you’re drunk.
Burping is not sexy.
You’re wrong.
You’re sorry.
She is less impressed by your discourse on your cool care than you think she is.
Ditto for your discourse on football.
Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
No means no. Yes means yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time. And it can change without notice.
Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t. (refer back to rule #2)
Chivalry and feminism are not mutually exclusive.
Never let her walk alone anywhere after 10:00 p.m.
Tell her that you love her if you do. Often.
Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so names.
Don’t let your friends pick on her.
If you want to break up with her, do it! Don’t act like a complete jerk to try to make HER do the dirty work.
The rule are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn’t fair either, and it balances everything.