Best Friend Knew His Girl Was Cheating But Kept Her Secret

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m so upset right now I don’t know what to do. I just found out not only that my girl has been cheating on me with some other dude, but that my best friend knew about it and kept quiet. Why would he not tell me? I thought we were boyz. Now I’m pissed at both of them. Why didn’t he tell me? I would have told him if the situation were reversed.

Signed,
Broken Up

Dear Broken Up:
I know you are upset right now and feeling pretty confused about two people you really thought you could trust. And I am sorry your heart was broken, I really am. But since you didn’t write me about your relationship or your broken heart, instead focusing on why your friend didn’t share with you what he knew, let’s concentrate on that.

After considering all possible outcomes and scenarios, I believe that your friend’s approach to this situation was not at all unusual. I believe most dudes in his position would not say anything either because:

(1) they think you wouldn’t believe what he said anyway; or

(2) you don’t believe him but go and ask your girl and when she denies it, you will be angry at your friend for lying and stirring up a bunch of mess; or

(3) since he knows you cheat around, he thinks you already know the deal and are cool with it since you do the same thing; or

(4) you would think he is trying to break you and your girl up so he can get at her himself. He doesn’t want to risk you going there which could result in fists being thrown or guns being fired; or

(5) you would be insulted by his revelation. You would think he is a gossipy ole shit disturbing fool that needs tell you what your own girl is doing, like you can’t handle your own business.

Bottom line: I see no benefit to telling a dude about his woman and what she may or may not be doing. I mean, so you tell him then they work it out and stay together. Now they see YOU as the enemy for tattling and you will be on the outside and no longer his friend as his allegiance is with his girl. Its a no win situation for any friend in a similar situation. I think the best solution under these circumstances is for a dude to shut his pie hole and keep his nose out of other people’s business.

So, though you think you would have told him if the situation were reversed, I think you would have made the very same decision he did. And I think that is the route most dudes smartly take.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.