Boyfriend Blew Me Off and Stood Me Up!

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Boyfriend blew me off tonight. Says he is sorry, but I’m so hurt.

This week BF and I celebrated 1 year dating anniversary. Last weekend he was out of town on “man-weekend” ie going to the mountains, getting drunk, watching football and fishing. (I think it’s awesome that he went on man-weekend.) Tonight (Friday), BF and I had looked into movies and music venues. There was also a business type party that we talked about but decided not to go to. We have dinner every night so unless one of us says otherwise, that’s a given. (We have 2 apartments, but he stays with me every night for most of the last year).

At 5pm, BF texts me that he is going to happy hour for a couple of drinks but will see me soon. At 6:30, he asks me to go to that party. I said no, that I didn’t want to (as we discussed before). He said he was going anyhow, for one drink. At 8 pm, he says he is leaving soon. At 10:30 he tells me he is drunk and going to a bar with a friend and invites me to go along. I also heard from a friend who was at that party that he said I was being a bitch tonight.

I feel like such a fool for sitting around and waiting for him all night. He sent a few drunk texts apologizing and acknowledging that he blew me off and that this wasn’t how he had planned for the night to go, but that he must’ve just need to get “crunk”.

He’s normally a very very nice guy (that’s what everyone says about him), and he’s pretty sweet and always around. I just don’t know if I can get over this.

Big deal/deal breaker, or not? Am I making too much out of it?

Signed,
Hurt

Dear Hurt:
Well, it was quite inconsiderate of him that’s for sure. No, its not enough to end the relationship over right now, but it is definitely something important to discuss in great detail. You should also be watchful and pay attention to similar behavior in the future. You don’t want to establish a relationship where blowing you off becomes an acceptable pattern.

What I suggest that you stop immediately is this sleeping over everyday thing. Familiarity breeds contempt, and it makes men take you for granted, as you see. You need to take steps to create romantic interest

If he hadn’t been seeing you every day, he would have been excited to see you, have sex with you, kiss you, etc. Instead he is like “ah, no big deal!” but you set that up. Being with a woman every day is a privilege that should be reserved for husbands, not given freely to mere boyfriends.

Until I married, my future husband saw me nor more than 3x per week, but most weeks just twice. I did that on purpose to keep him always wanting more. He craved me and looked forward to being in my presence, because it was a treat that he didn’t get that often.

Young women these days don’t have NO game at all and don’t understand how to motivate men to do and be their best. Females today give men all they have to give without any real ties or obligations – legal or even emotional. To prevent him from taking you for granted again you need to back up and give him some space. Don’t respond to phone calls after a certain time in the evening, nor do you respond to drunken texts. MAKE him respect and value you. Give him space and time without you and make him miss you. When you aren’t around so much he will feel a need to be with you, and his excitement about you will return.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.