Broken heart makes me afraid to trust or love again

Question:
I don’t know how to begin allowing myself to love again…is it possible to love completely without being somewhat vulnerable?

I realized after several unsuccessful relationships that I am completely commitment-phobic. I meet some terrific guys, but just can’t bring myself to commit emotionally to anyone. I don’t play games with them and I tell them from the beginning that I have a problem in this area and still they wind up falling in love and wanting to marry me. I was married young and after 12 years, divorced him (with reason).

Shortly after that, I was in a long term relationship and in love… opening myself to him emotionally and becoming vulnerable. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. I don’t know how to begin to allow myself to love again. I fear that if I become vulnerable to a man again I will be hurt again. And I don’t know how to love completely without being somewhat vulnerable. How can I conquer this fear?

Answer:
No one WANTS to get hurt, but it’s something that every single person on this earth of dating age has experienced at one time or another. The winners in the game of love are merely those that refused to give up! Winners take the good memories that came with the failed relationship, appreciate the lessons the bad came to teach, and move on to try again. Only cowards get knocked down and refuse to get back up and keep fighting.

Realize that if you don’t change your ways you will be old and alone. You have been blessed to have a persona that men find appealing and want to be with, so at least you don’t have that hurdle. What you have to realize though is the walls you built to keep pain out are also keeping pain in. The walls you built to keep you from getting hurt by love are keeping the joy of love out as well. Take baby steps but start moving forward.

Everyone has been hurt by love at one time or another, so two failed relationships in 20 years is no excuse to keep yourself closed off from the possibility of love again! Eat your spinach, Wheaties, or drink your V-8, whatever you have to do to get some muscle and your courage up, and start living again.

Life is not meant to be lived from a cage, happening to others while you sit around and watch. Allow yourself to fly, a proud Eagle that soars free.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.