Can a Woman Tell if a Man is a Virgin?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
How can you tell if a man is a virgin?

I have been messing around with this guy and I don’t know if I want to have sex with him or not. He says that it is okay because he is a virgin and never had sex before. He also said you can tell if a man is a virgin when he does it the first time because he won’t last long.

I am not a virgin, but I am not very experienced either. What are some of the clues that would point to whether he is lying or telling the truth?

Also, why would he think that this would make a difference in me deciding whether or not to do it with him? He said he has a girlfriend, but she is a virgin and he doesn’t want to scare her away, and since I had sex before it shouldn’t be a big deal to do it again.

Now I really like him, but that made me angry when he said that. So can you tell me if what he says about male virgins are true? I am thinking maybe if we do it that he will fall in love with me for being his first.

Signed,
Confused in Potrero

Dear Confused in Potrero:
Fall in love? He is in love with his girlfriend honey. He would just be using you for sex, that’s it and that’s all. Now this virgin thing is a hoot! Though this was a popular game back in the 1980s, I haven’t heard of anyone using it for a long time. Young guys liked to run that game on young women to get them excited about being his “first.” The woman goes through a lot of trouble to make the experience pleasurable, romantic, tender and a host of other things while he is just there for his own selfish pleasure.

And men don’t last long for a wide variety of reasons, the chief one being that he isn’t trying to last long enough to please you, he is just there to please himself and “get mines.” This guy is straight up telling you to your face that he has a woman, that he values her virginity, that she is special to him, and that you aren’t worth anything special because you are no longer “pure.”

Bottom line, if you have sex with him you are crazy. Should you sleep with him and get your feelings involved, you would be even more foolish. He will get up from sleeping with you and still have his girlfriend for a meaningful relationship, while he creeps around to have sex with you whenever you allow him to.

Why are messing around with a guy that already has someone anyway? That is rather trifling behavior on your part and presents you as a desperate woman with low self-esteem and little to no standards. You would set yourself up for a painful fall when you imagine a relationship will come out of this and fall in love with him, while he laughs in your face and goes on back to his woman.

You need to be thinking with a big picture view of this situation and this guy. Consider the long-term repercussions and emotional injury you would be setting yourself up for by making a silly decision to sleep with a man that is lying and gaming on you, and cheating on his girlfriend.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.