Day 10 – 40 Days of DBR Black Men: Lies, Lies and More Lies

Have you ever noticed that when interacting with a DBR black man how guarded and suspicious you feel? That is your inner voice warning you (before you are even consciously aware of it) “this mofo is lying his ass off!”

That is because 99.5% of what comes out of a black man’s mouth is either barely registering on the truth scale (a partial truth), a gross exaggeration of real events, a figment of his imagination that never happened but he wishes it did, something he thinks is true so he presents it as an irrefutable fact, a lie of omission, or it’s an out and out complete and total lie.

Most DBR black men meet the clinical standard of a sociopath, and they are socialized to be that way when it comes to women. They lie because they don’t want to hear your mouth. They lie because its easier for them than telling the truth. They lie to manipulate and control you. They lie to get the upper hand. They lie because it’s a sunny day.

They even treat each other that way as well, though they are more likely to ratchet the bullshit down a notch or two when they are interacting with other men that bullshit as much as they do. Hard for one bullshitter to bullshit another bullshitter and all that.

But think about it – black men are raised to “get over” on women and to get what they want from females by any means necessary. To achieve that end, the DBR black man is going to do three things with his lies:

1. Hide who and what he really is so that you never really get to know him – how he thinks, what he feels or anything else. He never lets you in and he never lets you get too close. Telling half-truths and flat out lies about himself, he manipulates you to have a false image of who he is as a man; or
2. Pretend to feel more for you than he really does. His goal is to manipulate you to have a false sense of comfort and belief in an intimacy which doesn’t exist to put you in the position of loving him and giving yourself over to meet his needs while you get little to nothing in return; or
3. Stonewall by putting off meeting your requests, refusing to answer important questions directly, intentionally frustrating you with delaying tactics, blocking (goal achievements, and interfering with processes), or by giving evasive, nonsensical responses.

I have observed these behaviors in just about every black man I’ve ever met, from every walk of life. Even those that will fight you about labeling them as a DBR know they have done these things in the past, are doing these things in the present, or will do these things in the future.

In reality, this is the socialization of the black male worldwide, and in this regard they are ALL ALIKE because they ALL do this at one time or another, to one woman or another, under certain circumstances or another. No woman should ever think that her belief that she is “a good black woman” will be a force field of protection from being lied to by a DBR black man.

Let me give you a few examples of how the lying game is played.

1. Hiding. This game begins as soon as you ask him “honey, what do you think?” He will either stonewall (explained below) by asking you a question back, or he will deflect and begin attacking your opinion, or he will change the subject altogether. Most often though he will give you some off the wall round-about soliloquy of 500,000 words so that by the time he finishes talking you don’t know WTF he said because none of it made a lick of sense. You heard a lot of words being used but you still don’t have an answer to your question. However, most women go away thinking somewhere in there must be an answer to their question, but they aren’t sure where. All they DO know for certain is that they grew weary of hearing him talk so they left. Which is exactly what he wanted.
2. Pretending. In this game his lies focus around flowery words, building you up, constant flattery, and future talk. He hints about marriage, a family, commitment, happily ever after. His words make promises and write checks his ass KNOWS he is not going to be able to cash, and has no interest in cashing. In the meantime you give your all to someone who is yanking your strings like a puppet master.
3. Stonewalling. This was explained above, but goes a lot deeper. When a woman asks a man to take out the trash and he says “I’ll get to it real soon honey!” he knows he is lying. He doesn’t do it because he is stonewalling, hoping she gets tired of the smell and in frustration, takes it out herself. OR when asked a specific question, he gives her no answer at all and ignores her, so when she asks again he can yell “stop nagging me! Damn you’re such a nag!” when all he had to do was answer the question. OR when he knows she is scheduled to have a girl’s night out with her friends on Friday night and he agrees to come straight home to watch the kids, he suddenly decides he just has to stop off and have a beer with his work pals. She gets so upset that she cancels her outing, which is exactly what he wanted in the first place though he lied and said she deserved some time off and to have fun with her friends.

Why do DBR Black men lie by both omission and commission? Why do they pretend to be things they are not? Why do they fake and perpetrate, coming across as feeling things for you they’ve only seen examples of in movies?

Because it makes it easier for him to operate when you don’t really know what you’re dealing with.

When you have no idea who the enemy is, it makes it extremely difficult to know what his next move will be and how you can protect yourself from attack. By telling you one lie after another, he creates a long chain of lies that stack up and surround you, closing you in. By setting things up so you are living in a fantasy world of his creation, he has put you in the weakened position giving him the ultimate upper hand.

Black men lie a lot. Black men lie so much it’s like a disease that has reached epidemic “call in the CDC” levels. They lie sitting down, and they lie standing up. They lie in the morning and they lie at night. They lie to everyone, even to themselves, about pretty much everything. They lie for no reason whatsoever that a reasonable person can determine. They would rather lie than ever tell the truth. About anything!

What are some of the big fat lies that DBR black men love to tell? The list is almost endless.

• They lie to get out of trouble.
• They lie to get other people in trouble to save themselves.
• They lie to see what you will do about it when you find out they lied.
• They lie that there is nothing wrong.
• They lie to get some.
• They lie to get with other dudes on the down-low.
• They lie to avoid getting a job or going to work.
• They lie to get out of work early.
• They lie to keep from going to jail.
• They lie to get pity screws.
• They lie to get into your pocket.
• They lie to get into your bed.
• They lie about calling.
• They lie about their bedroom skills and ability to put it down.
• They lie about getting together for a date.
• They lie about paying you back.
• They lie that they are looking for a serious long-term relationship.
• They lie about loving you.
• They lie that you are different and unique from any other woman they’ve ever met.
• They lie that they will do anything for you.
• They lie when they say “I promise”.
• They lie when they say “I swear!”
• They lie and say they know its not theirs.
• They lie that you are the only one they are sleeping with.
• They lie that they were listening to every word you said.
• They lie that they will never hurt you.
• They lie that they will never leave you.
• They lie that they are just going to the store and will be right back.
• They lie and pretend they aren’t angry.
• They lie that they don’t know why their ex keeps calling/texting.
• They lie that they aren’t lying.
• They lie that you’re too good for them (though this one has a 50% likelihood of being true).
• They lie that she is just a platonic friend.
• They lie that they are just playing cards or video games with the boys.
• They lie about the breakup with their ex.
• They lie that they were too drunk to drive and stayed over Ronnie’s house.
• They lie about their feelings having changed.
• They lie that you are the reason they cheated.
• They lie that they will be there to pick you up at 7:00.
• They lie that they are on their way.
• They lie that they are stuck in traffic.
• They lie that they will come get the kids this weekend.
• They lie that they are disease free.
• They lie that they will pull out.
• They lie that they didn’t have their phone with them.
• They lie that their phone battery died.
• They lied that they didn’t have a signal where they was at.
• They lie that they were asleep and that’s why they didn’t pick up at midnight.
• They lie that they are single.
• They lie that they have money/property/a business/a car.
• They lie about how many children they’ve fathered out of wedlock.
• They lie that they weren’t looking at that female’s ass.
• They lie that they have a job.
• They lie that it only happened that one time.
• They lie that it won’t happen again.
• They lie that you never told them that.
• They lie that you said something you know you didn’t.
• They lie that they have to work late so don’t wait up.
• They lie about why they were in prison.
• They lie that they are going to leave their wife (or girlfriend) for you.
• They lie that they didn’t have some woman in your car.
• They lie that it wasn’t them that you saw.
• They lie about how those panties got under their bed/glove compartment/car seat/briefcase.
• They lie about the drugs they were caught with.
• They lie sometimes just for the pleasure of feeling those lying words roll off their tongue.
• They lie just because it’s a sunny day.

These realities are very alarming to most Black women because they’ve been brainwashed into believing that black men are magical unicorn-like creatures and hold the key to their happiness in this lifetime and the next. Black women with this mindset just can’t understand why a man would go through all these changes to manipulate them with lies when its just easier to tell the truth (from their perspective). They need to believe that the man they call theirs is different from all other black men – their guy is unique and special, and their beautiful Black king would never tell them a lie. Ever.

Sigh. These women range from being totally unrealistic to downright stupid.

Black men love stupid black women that they can run game on without even really trying, and those that believe all black men are good and wonderful without having any proof are usually prime targets and easy pickings for lying ass gaming tricksters. When a woman is stupid or plays stupid behind a man, the ass-hat type of dude knows he doesn’t even have to use any of his GOOD, creative lies on her because she is so gullible.. its about as challenging as lying to a baby.

This is why black women don’t trust black men. Smart black women know what time it is and know how the game is played. Smart sistahs know better than to trust anything that comes out of a DBR black man’s mouth, especially if he prefaces it with “I swear its true!” or “I don’t know why you don’t believe me!” or “Baby I’m telling you, I ain’t lying!” Stop fucking lying!

How will you know if a black man is lying? You will see his lips moving. Once his lips are moving and sounds are coming out, you can pretty much bet that a lie is being told, has just been told, or is on the way.

All lying ass fools know how to do is lie, lie again, and lie some more.