Day 17 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men: Asking Women Stupid Ass Questions

 

Sometimes you wonder if DBR Black men even have a piece of a brain, because of the downright ignorant ass questions they ask women. If they aren’t asking an ignorant ass question, then they are making a dumb ass remark. In Day 17 of this series, we will examine the unimaginable number of stupid requests, orders and questions that DBR black men deliver to the ears of black women, and the reason why 99% of you will hear the word “No!” in response.

It usually happens when you are just walking down the street minding your own business, here comes some streetcorner lothario trying to holla.

Glancing up you see “that look” on his dumb face, and you already know the bullshit is coming. He thinks he is being all romantical and suave.. you think he is nothing but an idiot since he believes he can pick up a woman on the street. You get your answer ready, the same one you unwaveringly give in these situations.

DBR Fool: “Ah, Miss Lady, Miss Lady, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Woman: “No!”

Or

DBR Fool: “Girl you need to smile! Why don’t you smile for me?”

Woman: “Hell no!”

Or

DBR Fool: “Hole up, hole up! Can I getcho number and call you later so you can take me out to dinner?”

Woman: “Fuck no!”

Even when in some sort of lightweight relationship with the guy that started off okay, the stupid questions still come. There is no escape.

DBR men (most of whom don’t seem to understand that is what they are), will pop out with some of the lamest lines and the most inappropriate requests, guaranteed to elicit a heart felt “NO!” from any woman with even an ounce of self-esteem. The fact that these guys feel entitled to ask women for the things they do is shocking. The fact that some women struggle with saying “no!” to men that ask them these dumb ass questions is even more surprising.

What Part of “No!” Do You Not Understand?

Just last weekend I did a BlogTalk show on the Struggles Men and Women Have with the Word “No!” In less than a week its been downloaded more than 1500 times. Men don’t want to HEAR “no!” from women, and women have a really hard time drawing that line in the sand and saying “no!” to men.

Why?

Because from infancy females are conditioned to be nice, and sweet, gentle and considerate by avoiding hurting other peoples feelings. The message is that girls have to be “nice” because the boys might not like you if you’re mean, and then you won’t get a boyfriend or a husband. It’s not considerate to deny others what they want or not give them our help. Therefore, for women, saying “no” is wrought with conflict.

As one poster pointed out “… unfortunately that consideration does not extend to ourselves. So as women we get psyched into things we don’t really want or want to do. That is why we end up with that vacuum cleaner we cant afford or that purse we didn’t want to buy and it translates into how we conduct ourselves in relationships as well. Saying No, is powerful, it is exhilarating. The salesman gets upset, the user loser friend gets upset, and the man who is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and the panties off your ass gets upset when you say NO!!! They realize they are not dealing with a “nice” girl who doesn’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings but a woman who is ready to guard her own.”

My Facebook crew and I discussed the matter for a few hours. We tossed around the reasons some women have a hard time saying “no!” to men and why other’s don’t. Dozens of women also shared their typical “no!” responses to DBR black men, which I have included below because they may help two types of folks:

#1 Women that don’t know how to say “No!”, can practice saying the sentences they see here until they become second nature and roll of their tongue with ease and speed!

#2 Men that don’t know they are being stupid and asking dumbass questions can see themselves on this page and learn when to shut the hell up if they really want to have female companionship.

The Book of NO! is a Complete Sentence

Now here are the list of “No!” comments posted by a feisty group of sistahs, in no particular order.

No, fuck I look like?
No, muthafugga!
No, I’m not calling you on every lunch break.
No way that shit is happenin!
No, you can’t “borrow” any money.
No, I am not going to come over and cook for you nor will I bring groceries.
No, you can’t live with me.
No, I’m not buying you that shirt, shoes, game console, etc.
No, I can’t bail you out of jail.
Naw nigga!
No, I won’t help you get your car out of the tow lot.
No, I will not go on a picnic with you. Eating sandwiches that I made in a park on a blanket is not a date. It is being too cheap to take a woman out to a restaurant.
No, I won’t put your car in my name.
No, I won’t have breakfast with you; you’re married!
Fuck no!
No, I won’t cosign a loan for you to start a bidness.
No, I won’t add your name to my house.
No, back up… I need 2 feet!
Buy YOU a drink? Boy BYE!
Take YOUR number? Chile please… Don’t hold your breath on that.
Go out for coffee? I’ll pass *deletes number*
Not neva!

Actually, my word is “nope” and I make sure to pop the “p” at the end. Nope, you can’t borrow my car. Nope, you can’t “just put the tip in” (and for those wondering, we were NOT teenagers). Nope, I’m not coming to meet you at ass o’clock at night. No, I’m not driving you 50 miles in one direction so you can meet your cousin/uncle/homeboy to give you the $20 he owes you that you loaned him for cigarettes. No, you can’t stay over. No, I’m not staying over. No, I don’t have to explain why I’m not interested in you. Side note: one time I went on a blind date and I met the guy at an eatery. He says, “why don’t we go back to my apartment? I’ll drive and then I’ll bring you back here later to pick up your car.” I was like…..you must have lost your damn mind, sir. No, nope, never, no, nope!” ~Kristen M.

Fuck outta here with that bullshit!
No, my name is not shorty with the fat ass, and
No, you couldn’t really think you were getting my number after that!
No, don’t ever grab me on the street, I don’t know you.
No, I can’t hook you up with my friend put in your own work, lazy ass.
No, I am not going to live with you until we are married.
No, nigga you couldn’t even sniff it.
No, I am not looking after your child all day, this is your visit with her.
No, the hell you won’t stick your dick in my ass.
No! I don’t want to come over your house on the first date and watch movies you cheap bastard.
No, you can’t come hang at my house at 2 am.
No, you are not the man of the house if you don’t pay no bills here (wide eyed stare).
Who I look like Bobo the fool nigga? Hellll no!
No, we cannot go half on the first date.
Hell naw muhfugga!
FOH with that shit!
Won’t happen in a million goddam years!
Don’t hold your breath muhfugga cause you WILL die!
No, you will not make me feel bad for saying no.

What about the “how about the I come over and you cook for me date? Whaaaaatttt, No! How about we go out and someone can cook for the both of us and you pay! Another cheap, slick ass way they try the b.s. I even had a guy ask me when I was gonna take him out on a date, you know women being independent and all. Girl, I laughed myself out the door and forgot what I had went in there to get.” ~E. Taylor

No, going to your apartment is not a date.
No, I do NOT like you.
No, I am NOT your momma.
No, I will not smile for your strange ass on the street.
NO. I will NOT go Dutch on a date.
NO, I am NOT looking for someone to ‘kick it’ with.
NO, I am NOT living with you or any other man unless I’m married.
No, I am not doing that because I don’t want to.
Hell no, I will not loan you money
No, I am not helping you clean your house.
No, I don’t want to lay down and talk.
No, I am not going to pay your bills.
Hell no, I am not going to pay your child support until you find work.
And hell to the No, I am not taking care of you, you are tripping!
No, I’m not calling you.
No, I’m not going out with you looking like that.
No, you can’t buy me a drink.
No, I don’t like you “like that”, we just friends.
No, I’m not helping you.
No, and lose my number freak!
No, I’m not fucking you now or ever.
No, I’m never going to do that No, matter how many times you ask.
No, I’m not in the mood to do (fill in the blank)
No, what I look like?
No, not in my job description homey.
No, I sure won’t!

“If I am not called a “bitch,” I am not doing something right. Let these other women become booty calls, side pieces, mammies, and purses for these men. It ain’t going to be me!” B. A.

No, you don’t have the biggest winkle I’ve ever seen.
No, I can’t give you $20 to buy some weed.
No, I can’t rent a car for you in my name.
No, I can’t put your car on my insurance.
No, I can’t watch your kids for you.
No, I can’t stop wearing weave/make up.
No, you can’t hold my P90X DVD series.
No, we can’t drive my car out of town. Rent you one asshole.
No, I’m not buying ANYTHING for you.
No, I sure don’t!
No, we can’t do it without a condom.
No, I won’t have your baby until we’re married.
No, you do not need to know how much I get paid at work.
No, you do not need to know how much money “I” have saved.
No, I’m not having sex with you.
No, I’m not writing your paper for you.
No, I’m not marrying your socially inept brother or spiritual sons.
No, you can’t move in with me and my children.
No, you’re not getting any more money.
No, I’m not moving in with you.
No, I don’t wanna be your friend with benefits.
No, you can’t sit here.
No, you can’t drive my car.
No, I don’t wanna live with your parents.
No, I’m not getting rid of my Facebook account.
No, I’m not letting go of school/music ministry for you.
No, you can’t “test” my submissability.
No, I’m not submitting to you.
No, I don’t fuck around with married men.
No, I don’t want to be bothered.
No, I am not having a baby with you out of wedlock just because I am in my 30s and I have a “good job”
No, I can’t stand your friends.
No, I can’t stand your kids.
No, I can’t stand your mother.
No, you can’t claim my daughter on your taxes.
No, we are not friends.
No, you can’t use my car because yours is in the shop. Catch the bus bustah!
No, I can’t stop wearing nice form fitting clothes because you think I’ll look too sexy for other men.
No, I’m not cooking tonight.
No, figure it out your damn self.

And the best one was: “Sometimes I don’t even get to the “No!”, I just bust out laughing my head off.”

So for all the Brothas out there that found themselves represented in the lines above, it’s probably a good idea for you to learn how to shut up and not say much. Because when you talk you say stupid shit and ask dumb ass questions.

Remember, it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.