Day 7 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men: Failure to Man Up

One of the most irritatingly eye-rolling statements that an adult black male can say is “she won’t LET me ….” Whenever I hear something like this from the lips of an allegedly grown man, I know what I am really looking at is a tall child.

Black males are forever getting in somebody’s face, especially a female’s and telling her that he is a man. This bears repeating now (and I’m sure you will hear it from me again and again before this series is completed)… real men don’t ever announce what they are, they let their behavior and actions speak for them. Therefore, the only males who need to remind themselves and you that they are “a man” are punk kids attempting to masquerade as men.

This post won’t be long because the behaviors are pretty straightforward. DBR black men are weak, spineless, punks that dodge responsibility and love, I mean LOVE to blame other people for their failures, weakness, stupid choices and poor decisions. The primary target of their blame is black women. Any black woman. She can be 11 years old or she can be 71 years old. She can be their girlfriend or wife, or she can be a complete stranger on the street. Doesn’t matter to them.

Nothing they do is ever their fault. Their sole goal is to make someone else shoulder the blame for their irresponsible behavior.

I first recognized this behavior when I was living in Texas. I was dating a guy that failed a test and got a D on a written assignment in the same week. He’d been out partying, going to happy hours and hanging with his friends hooping and whatnot. What he had NOT been doing was studying for the test completing his research for the assignment, and writing his paper. At the last minute he threw something together, looked at his notes and book for about 15 minutes, then went to class.

When he got his paper and test back dude had the nerve to be absolutely irate! I mean, he stomped around, threw things around at the wall, cussed and acted a zip damn fool. Somehow the two failing grades he’d received were the professor’s fault. The professor hated black males. The professor was racist. The professor had a different standard for grading males than they did females. The professor was wrong.

I read the paper he wrote. It was total shit. I thought he should have been thrilled to get a D instead of an F. But he didn’t see it that way and refused to accept his role in getting poor grades.

Black male socialization teaches that black men do not have to accept responsibility for anything if a black woman is involved! This seems to go back as far as Adam and Eve for most of them – they blame Eve for the initial plight of mankind and every black woman they’ve ever met for everything else bad that happened to them. Starting with their mother and ending with the black woman that has the nerve to terminate an unwanted pregnancy – they blame black women for every single thing in the world. DBR black males even blame black women for global warming and the extinction of the DoDo bird. Stupid black women join along in these blaming adventures and cosign with the men to blame other women. I have something for those dumb broads, but I’ll get to them later.

These are some of the most common behaviors that black men refuse to man up about:

#1 She is Trying to Trap Me With a Baby. Unless you were tied down and shown dirty movies and taken advantage of by an ovulating woman, you had every single opportunity in the world to JUST SAY NO to booty. So the fact that you got a woman pregnant is no one’s fault but yours. The fact that you chose to sleep with her was totally your decision. The fact that you transferred your seed over to her body because you wanted to give her that little gift of life means that you wanted a baby with her. Otherwise you would have kept all that juicy goodness to yourself. Not only that, “trap” means into marriage. Women raise children with no husbands – whether by accident or intentionally all the time. Few women get married any more just because they are pregnant. So there is no “trapping” going on these days. Man the hell up! The only person that “trapped you” with a baby was… say it with me now… YOU!

#2 She Should Have Made Me Use a Condom. Unless you were tied down and shown dirty movies and taken advantage of by an ovulating woman, you had every single opportunity in the world to JUST SAY NO to booty, or to reach in your pocket and pull out a hat for your Johnson. You chose not to do that for whatever reason you had at the time. You didn’t tell her “naw, we can’t do this with no birth control girlfriend!” Instead you shrugged and went for it anyway. You didn’t tell her “hold up! I got to run to CVS or Walgreen’s or something and pick up some condoms before we do this!” Instead, you shrugged and went for it anyway. Which means the fact that you got a woman pregnant because you didn’t use a condom is no one’s fault but yours. Which may also mean the fact that a woman burned you with gonorrhea, syphilis or some other STD because you didn’t use a condom is no one’s fault but yours. The fact that you chose to sleep with some random woman was totally your decision. The fact that you transferred your seed over to her body raw because you wanted to give her that little gift of life means that you wanted a baby with her. Otherwise you would have kept all that juicy goodness to yourself or trapped it in a condom. The only person responsible for “making” you use a condom is… say it with me now… YOU!

#3 She Should Have Kept Her Legs Closed. This is the one that kills me! On one hand DBR black males run around with their chests poked out, talking about how much of a man they are, how they need to be in control, how they need to be submitted to because they are the head of the household etc. blah blah yackety yak. But as SOON as its time to stand up and take the hit for some poor decision they made, they bitch up and start whining about what some woman should have done to control them. If you are so weak, so stupid, so spineless, so out of control that a woman has to treat you like a child and monitor your behavior FOR YOU, then you are no kind of man. You are a punk and need to go sit down somewhere. Man up! Just because you see a car running with the keys in the ignition doesn’t mean you have to steal it with your bus pass havin’ butt. Just because there is a pie sitting on the table doesn’t mean you have to eat it with your chunky ass. And just because a woman has her legs open doesn’t mean you have to get busy getting between them.

#4 She MADE ME Hit Her. What, are you hypnotized or some shit? WTF? This is simply the statement of a male that never matured past second grade. Little children hit out of frustration and anger, whereas adults reason with other adults or they leave the combustible situation until tempers diffuse. Childish DBR black men strike out when they get “upset”.

It’s interesting to me though that these types never hit men, only women and sometimes children too. They never hit their male boss when they get pissed at him. They never hit police officers when they get pissed at them. They never hit politicians, union leaders, or their fathers. They never hit drug dealers or thugs rolling through the neighborhood disturbing everyone. But they will pounce on a woman like a starving lion, which is why I know they CAN control their anger and fists very well. Instead of walking away from the situation… running if they need to, just to make sure nothing vile happens that could land them in jail and the woman in the emergency room they pound on females. Yup, women are their favorite punching bags. They hit on women they are dating, women they are married to, women in their families, and even women they don’t know walking up and down the street. They like to hit on women because women are smaller and easier to scare. It makes punks feel powerful and strong to see someone frightened of them.

#5 She Won’t LET ME Be a Man. Another respect killing statement. How in the world can a woman, someone you say over and over again is inferior to you and should not lead, hold the strings to your manhood? How is it that a little woman has your testicles in her hand and can make you dance like a puppet on a string? This doesn’t even make sense and sounds like a whining beyotch made fool. OMG! No person can interfere with you being whatever you want to be. Sounds to me like your concept of manhood is twisted and needs a serious revamp. Man up! In reality you are saying that you are inferior to a woman, that a woman has more power over you than you have over yourself, and that she calls all the shots and that your sorry behind dances to her tune.

#6 It’s Her Fault I Cheated ‘Cause She Drove Me to It. Once a real man makes a commitment, his word is his bond. If he has a problem with his woman or any aspect of their relationship, instead of acting out like a petulant child, he opens his big mouth and talks it out. Ain’t nobody a mind reader with Spock powers! No woman will know you have a concern unless you explain it to her. What happens though is that DBR black men have all kinds of secret wishes, dreams, and expectations that nobody knows anything about except them. Most of what they expect from women is stupid anyway, but that’s besides the point. It’s your woman so obviously there is SOMETHING about you she likes, so we’re gonna roll with that. So for you to think hurting her and irreparably damaging your marriage or relationship by bringing some other woman into a situation meant for two is going to help matters at home shows how dumb you are. If you express the problem and she doesn’t or isn’t willing to provide you with what you want, that means y’all are incompatible and need to just end things. Same on her side. Cheating on your mate is never justifiable behavior – it’s childish, extremely selfish and could be dangerous. As in life-threatening dangerous. While you out there ho-hopping with Bum Qui Qui and ‘LeTanahsha, you are exposing yourself to all sorts of nasty ass diseases and even to stupid stalker women, and to men that don’t want to let them go. Then you bring that shit home to your wife and family like nothing. Your woman and children end up alone after her stalker kills your ass for messing with what he still considers to be “his” pussy. The only person that “makes” you lie and cheat is you. Punkass! The only person that “makes” you be a fool that no woman should ever trust or love is you as well.

#7 Seventy Percent of Black Women Are Single and Never Married. Not only is that statistic wrong, the number of unmarried black women is something that only men can change. Black women for the most part aren’t marrying each other. Black women for the most part would prefer to marry a Black man and have Black children. The issue is that a woman that wants to marry a man have to find a fella that (1) wants to get married and (2) wants to get married to her. So the true party responsible for the high number of unmarried black women is black men. Period. You all don’t want to get married, you want to trick around your entire lives chasing Pu$$y Dreams. Instead of touting that statistic with such satisfaction like its women’s fault that they are unmarried, why don’t you marry your girlfriend of four years? Why don’t you marry the woman you been living with? Why don’t you marry your baby momma? Marriage is an area where black men are definitely not manning up.

#8 …But Women (or Other Races of Men) Do It Too! or Not ALL Black Men Are Like That! These whines are supposed to be powerful arguments to charges of egregious behavior or attitudes displayed on a widespread basis by black males. Instead of logically assessing their behavior, looking closely at the source of those actions and the impact said actions have on black women/children, the typical DBR black male gets defensive. He rushes to trivialize the complaints of damage and hurt made by black women by declaring that whatever they are complaining about can’t be THAT bad since white men, Asian men and Latino men do it too! The DBR black male attempts to minimalize the depth of the black female’s collective agony by dismissively stating that it can’t be THAT bad since not ALL black men are like that.

His defensive statements are merely another way to brush women off. His goal is to make their problems unimportant so that he doesn’t have to take their complaints seriously, think about the times he may have done those very things, or exert any energy to make change amongst the males he knows that behave in the manner being discussed. He wants to believe that since ‘not ALL black men do it’, and since ‘men of other races do it too’, you black women are just overstating things and complaining about nothing. The reality is that this is just another example of how black men will do anything to blame shift and avoid responsibility for taking corrective action. Man the hell up! You are supposed to be better than other men, not lowering yourself to their level of stupidity.

Acceptance of mediocrity, destructive behavior, violence and criminal actions with a statement like “but it’s not just black men that do it!” demonstrates disgusting weakness and lack of character. It also indicates, like I’ve said many times before, that most black men are not leaders at all, but spineless, wimpy, lazy followers. What you need to do is stop defending B.S. and trifling behavior amongst black males with that ‘but other races do it too!’ crap. Instead, strive for and set an example of greatness why don’t cha? Because the crappy stuff men of other races do is irrelevant when we are talking about BLACK MEN and how what your butts do affects black women and children. Period.

#8 She Won’t LET ME see My Kids. Only turds with two legs walking make this statement. Why? Because any right kind of father that has a desire to see his children, to spend quality time developing them into great adults, and to be a positive guiding force in their lives has the power of the U.S. Court system on his side. There is nothing and no one that can keep you from seeing your children if that is what you really want to do. Even convicts in prison that killed the mother of their child have visitation rights and the law enforces them. So what is your excuse for not manning up again?

When it comes to being a responsible father, there are three key issues with black males and their refusal to step up and take care of raising their children:

Your baby momma or ex-wife knows you to be a sorry, irresponsible, abusive, drug using, no-job-having rock slinging fool, or in some other way garbage. She has vowed to do anything in the world to keep you from having unfettered access to her babies and harming them yourself or putting them in a position to be hurt. She doesn’t want them to grow up to be ANYTHING like you. Rather than be outed in a public space like a court room, you keep quiet and go along with the program. The only problem is other people notice that you don’t ever spend time with your children – you barely even talk about them. And to save face (rather than let them know the truth about how sorry you are), you lie. You try to make it sound like you want to see your children. You try to make it sound like you’ve done things to facilitate visits. You try to make it sound like you’ve tried for years to be with your kids, and your baby momma/ex is preventing that from happening. By lying you evoke pity from less than intelligent women that are too stupid to know the deal and other sorry ass men doing the same scandalous things you are.
You enjoy living your life single, free, messing around with every skirt in town and doing your own thing. You feel about your children how you feel about their mother, which isn’t fair to them at all. You don’t really want to be bothered with the children so you make up excuses for why you aren’t be around. You probably send your child support every month like you are supposed to, but you either cancel at the last minute or don’t show up when its time for you to have a weekend with the kids. You disappoint them and break their little hearts by leaving them hanging time and time again. They have a piece of their heart missing because you’ve turned your back on them just because you and their mother no longer love each other. You turn your back on them because the piece of tail you are trying to get, or hanging with your boys is more important than your own flesh and blood.
To justify your position in (a.) or (b.) above, you may refuse to pay child support or you do pay but bitch about it incessantly. You whine to anyone that will listen that you refuse to “give that woman my money to spend on herself!” When in reality if she didn’t have to raise YOUR KIDS she would have all of her money to herself every month and be able to buy all the clothes and weaves and manicures and bling that she could afford. You have the nerve to be resentful because you are expected to help take care of the children you helped to create. You have the gall to think that measly little $500-800 you pay (if that) is a lot of money.
Please! That is a joke… a mere drop in the bucket for what it costs to support and provide for a child. Children are expensive as hell!
Starting with the fact that the Mother has to rent a two bedroom instead of a one bedroom apartment, costs for her living situation are increased because she has YOUR kid. Clothes, shoes, medical care, day care for small children, after school care for older children, medication and doctor co-payments, dental bills, school supplies, field trip expenses, food, haircuts, bras, jock straps, cleats, uniforms, extracurricular activity fees, school pictures, winter clothing, summer clothing, back to school clothing, birthday gifts when a party invitation is received, educational materials, music or other development lessons, higher water bills, Christmas presents, higher electricity bills, higher heating bills, etc. Not to mention tutors or private school tuition. A study was published in 2012 by the U.S. Dept of Agriculture which concluded the cost of raising a child (not including college) is currently around $235,000. So you whining about that chump change you send every month makes you sound like a fool.

You know, when the President of the United States has to take the time to censure this nation’s black males on their responsibilities as fathers and ask them not to neglect and abandon their children (for the second time in 2013), you know there are some really sorry black males in this country making babies.

There are dozens of other examples I could give of responsibility dodging and blame shifting onto women that DBR black men love to do, but I think this is enough.