Did She Make the Right Decision?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m a 19 year old college student still trying to figure this life thing out, which is why I’m writing you. This morning on my way to work, I was listening to a local radio station, the host said he got a very strange email. The following is what the email said word for word…

Please don’t mention my name on the air. My husband goes out with the guys every weekend, plays pool, watches sports, and drinks. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but It has been EVERY weekend, and he has been getting pretty wasted. This past weekend they went out on Saturday night, and it was 3am, and he still wasn’t home. I called him, and he said he didn’t know when he was going to be home, not to worry. Every time they go out he drives himself, and drives home trashed. I have spoken with him plenty of times about his driving drunk problem, but it never stops. This time I had enough. I called the police, and told them “my husband is at a bar drunk and he is going to drive himself home.” I get a call from the police station a few hours later, the cop had pulled him over as he pulled out of the parking lot, and arrested him for DUI. Was I write for what I did? I know it’s a local bar maybe 10 minutes from my house, but he still should not drive that way. Should I tell him it was me who called the cops on him?

Now is it just me or does she make no sense? If the bar is only a few minutes from their house, why don’t you take him, and then pick him up? If your so worried about him driving drunk, why aren’t you offering to pick him up, or telling him to get a taxi?

She must not realize he now has an arrest on his record, his license is suspended and she will have to drive him for a while, their insurance will sky-rocket, and then she will have lawyer bills, impound fees to get the car back, and reinstatment fees for his license. I don’t see the logic in her calling the police, there were other ways to go about this.

I don’t think she should tell him, because I think it will ruin their marriage, she should just leave it alone, and now deal with all the stress she has caused, and all the money she will have to fork over. What do you think?

Signed,
What Should She Do?

Dear What:
No, she did the right thing.

Every time he got behind the wheel drunk he was breaking the law and risking killing innocent people. It is not HER responsibility to chauffeur around someone that wants to get drunk every weekend! What you are suggesting is that she put herself in the position of being codependent, which is a real risk for the children and mates of alcoholics.

He is a big boy and made a series of poor choices that got him arrested. She didn’t put the bottle in his hand and it is not her job to save him from himself.

Any amount they spend is less than they would spend if he got his butt or someone else, some poor innocent person into a wheelchair or blinded for life. Shrug.

What she did was what was going to happen to him inevitably anyway. She merely accelerated the process for him getting the repercussions of his actions, and she made sure it happened BEFORE anyone got permanently maimed/disfigured or killed. If he did like your Dad and took cabs, there wouldn’t be an issue here. But that is not what he did.

Lastly, she should never say a word. What she did was the best and smartest thing. More women should have the balls that this woman did instead of coddling protecting and covering for grown men that do dumb and irresponsible things.

Since you are young, this is a valuable lesson for you to learn about establishing boundaries with men and avoiding codependent relationships where you take on the burden of caretaking for other adults.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.