Drama With Horny Out of Control College Room Mate

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am a 22 year old college student that lives in a dorm on my University campus. My roommate is much younger, and her inappropriate behavior is getting on my nerves. The straw that broke the camel’s back is when she moved her new boyfriend of only a week into our dorm room. The first night he was here I woke up to strange sounds and moaning. I was appalled to discover that they were shamelessly having sex while I was right in the room!

I feel very uncomfortable with this situation. I don’t know anything about this guy or his character. Dorm rooms are small enough without sharing it with unwanted guests. It’s difficult to talk to her about this, or anything else for that matter, because she’s spoiled wants everything to go her way. I’ve considered telling my Resident Adviser about it, but I don’t want any drama or negative repercussions. What should I do?

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
The utter classlessness of this young woman is appalling, and her lack of consideration truly shocking. Its one thing to put her own safety and property at risk, but it is another thing altogether to put yours at risk against your will.

Though you may be hesitant to rock the boat with her, that is EXACTLY what you must do. Quietly seething and “taking it” is what her parents and other friends have done, which is how the monster she is now was created. Overly indulgent parents have raised an entire generation that has never experienced behavioral boundaries. Most of these dang kids have never been told “no!” or punished for acting a zip damn fool even once their entire life!

So what you have to do is catch her alone in the room and drop the hamma. I’m going to nickname her Foo Foo (since a FOOL FOOL is how she acts):

Foo Foo, I woke up the other night to find you screwing some guy not five feet from me. You may be an exhibitionist, but I am not into all that freak stuff. I don’t want to see or hear you or anyone else having sex. Not only was what you did inappropriate and a violation of my privacy, it was unsafe and risky for both of us. Foo Foo, you don’t know anything about this guy you brought in here. We were both vulnerable and anything could have happened to us. You were totally inconsiderate of me by bringing some random guy into the space you share with ME. Remember, I pay fees for this dorm room just like you do, and I deserve to feel safe and not be cramped by unexpected male guests.

So Foo Foo, this is the rule for this now. No men will be brought here. No third persons will be in the room after 10:00 p.m. at all. If you just have to get some, you will go to HIS room. If you ignore this rule, I will have no option but to discuss it with the resident advisor. I want us to get along and be friendly, but I must demand that you respect me as I have respected you.

She may get a bit of a ‘tude since no one has ever spoken to her so directly before. She may be angry and defensive at first as she absorbs the truth of your message. She may say that you can’t tell her what to do. She may storm out of the room in a huff. She may be so outdone that you had the nerve to chastise her that she requests an immediate transfer to another dorm room.

Shrug.

Either way, you’ve stood up for yourself and addressed the problem diplomatically and confidently in a way that will get you the results you seek.

Trust me – getting folks in check in college is a great training ground for the real world. Once you enter corporate America, you will have to learn how to play corporate power games and deal with spoiled prima donna personalities in a manner that gets you what you want. You’ll be putting folks in check at least 3x per week for taking liberties, being disrespectful, being racist or sexist, or just generally being stupid.

You may as well hone your assertiveness skills while you’re still in school, and you may as well start now.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.