Going Nowhere Fast in Hamster Wheel Relationships

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years but we are still friends with benefits. My other ex-boyfriend claims he wants to be back with me and im completely confused. I love both of these boys with all of my heart and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been with these boys for the same amount of time but not a the same time. I need serious advice can you help?

Female (19-26)

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Have you ever been to a pet store and watched the cute furry little hamsters? They jump on their little hamster wheel like they at the starting gate of an Olympic 400 meter race! Then they commence to running those little short legs off. That wheel is going clickety clack, clickety clack, round and round and round. The hamster actually believes he is making forward progress and going somewhere. But those of us on the outside looking in see that the hamster is in a cage, churning his little legs as fast as possible and not going an inch forward.

That is what you are doing to yourself.

Each of these guys is nothing but a hamster wheel, offering themselves up for you to take a ride on, and you foolishly oblige. Honey, when you and a man break up, YOU BREAK UP! You don’t keep giving that man the benefits and privileges of being in a relationship with you, which is your time and access to your body. What are you doing that for?

And no matter how much you might love them, obviously they don’t love YOU otherwise you two would be together as a solid couple. Since that is not the case you are merely all wrapped up in a “relationship of convenience” and thinking it means something. All it means is they are using you for free booty.

To quote Woody Allen: “A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” When you break off a relationship, it means you two are no good together and decided to part ways because you would be happier with someone else. Therefore, to have this man still hanging out in your life, sharing intimate time with him is preventing you from moving forward. You can’t look behind you and look forward at the same time – you have to pick on.

I advocate that all young women be like a shark and keep moving forward in life. The best way to get over men and move on is to establish a rule of absolutely no contact with them. That means no texts, no coming by, no lunch dates, no hanging out, no talking on the phone, and definitely no booty calls.

Get off the hamster and stop wasting time going in circles with these two fools. It’s time to move on.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.