How do I dump someone I don’t like anymore?

Question:
I met this guy at school that seemed really nice and I thought it would be good to get to know him better. We started calling each other and going out to the movies and dinner. After spending some time around him I realized that I was not really that interested. He is nice and all, but he’s not for me. I politely told him that I was not interested in him and now I can’t seem to get rid of him! I am trying to be as polite as possible so I don’t hurt his feelings. What do I do?

Answer:
Some people get even more excited about someone once they’ve been rejected. A relationship with the person that rejected them becomes a challenge, a contest to WIN! Until you are entertaining other men, this guy probably thinks there’s room for him in your life and that if he asks enough that you will change your mind. You will have to stop being polite and be direct – maybe even brutally blunt.

As difficult as it is to accept, ANYTHING you say about separating will not make him happy, because it won’t be what he wants to hear. But is his happiness and are his feelings more important than yours? Disappointment and change are unfortunately a part of living on this Earth.

If you were dating him for a longer time and you consider that you two really were a solid couple, you could say something along these lines:

“It’s been wonderful because you are a great guy and you’ve been interesting to hang out with. But at this point in my life I don’t want us to be a couple. I want to be free from commitment and the obligations of a serious relationship. This is no easier for me than it is for you, but we both deserve to be happy and I’m just not happy living like this right now. And If I’m not happy here, surely you can’t be either. I need something and I’m not sure yet what it is, but part of finding out means I have to go in new directions and explore the world and find my place. Part of that is going to involve dating other people if I want to. We can be friends and talk to each other still if you are comfortable with that, but if you aren’t and need time away from me I will understand.”

In your case though, it sounds like it never really reached that point. So for you I recommend that you start by asking him if he understands what “not interested” means. Correct his interpretation since he doesn’t seem to be clear.

Then ask him what he thinks he is going to accomplish by calling you all the time when you aren’t interested in dating him? Tell him he needs to be calling someone that may be interested in seeing him romantically because you aren’t.

And finally, if he doesn’t get it, whenever this pest calls you will have to tell him that you have company over or are expecting company and need to prepare. Get him off the phone immediately so he does not have time to start begging. Stop trying to “be nice” because all that does is set you up for drama.

Start dating other guys. Completely stop hanging out with him out of pity or whatever excuse you are giving yourself for wasting your time and his.