How Should a Single Young Black Male Ask a White Female Out?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have a problem. I am a young African American male who goes to a predominately White college. I like a lot of the women that are, of course, White. The problem is that I’m not sure how to approach them because I don’t know how they view me as a person. For example, I’m friends with this one girl who I like a lot and she said that me and one other kid are the only two Black people that she’s ever met in her entire life. How can that be Ms. HeartBeat?

What do you think I should do in situations similar to this one when wanting to ask a girl out?

Signed,
Wondering

Dear Wondering:
I find it appalling that in 2012 there are still Whites in the United States of America that have not met or interacted with people of other races, cultures and nationalities. America is known as the melting pot of the world, embracing peoples from every corner of the world as citizens and fellow Americans. The kind of segregation you describe, whether willful or not, is the catalyst for the ignorance and key reason for current levels of fear and prejudice that Black Americans must fight every day.

When attempting to date someone so ignorant of your culture… so insulated about the reality of people of color in the United States, you have to accept that she (and her friends/family), will be full of prejudices, assumptions, theories and under the influence of media hogwash concerning the African American experience. You and this other young man represent the entire Black race in the eyes of this girl and those on campus like her. What a heavy burden to bear.

Dating her and girls like her will mean you will always have to monitor your words and behavior and feel the pressure to prove that you “aren’t like that” or that you are “different” or a “special Black person” a compared to the stereotypes she believes. You will never feel able to relax and be yourself as you make an effort to fit in or gain the approval of her and her people. You will always be referred to as THAT BLACK GUY THAT SO AND SO IS DATING, with little emphasis put on your intelligence, future goals, lovability, or personality. This particular young lady will have very little (if any) understanding about you, your people, racism, your struggles as a young Black man in America, or anything that you have gone through or will go through.

I don’t know you, but I am going to say the same thing to you what I would say to my own son.

Dating women with her lack of awareness would be an uphill battle that I do not believe is worth fighting. Your energy is better spent hitting your books to get your education and to learn how to battle racism using the power of the court system. To improve your social life, you should focus on getting off campus and going to parties, involving yourself in local politics, the NAACP, Black churches, a local chapter of a Black fraternity, the Masons, or anything that will get you around more African American women.

Unless you can meet and interact with a White female on campus that has had exposure to people of other races and has the ability to see you as a person because of it, I believe your dating life on campus will be extremely frustrating and confusing.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.