I had sex for the first time and didn’t like it at all

Question:
I am 13 years old, and recently had intercourse with a 16 year old guy. I got NO pleasure and it hurt so much I felt like crying for hours. Is it because it’s my first time, or is it because I wasn’t relaxed enough? Am I too small? Should I stop because I’m too young? Would lubrication help? And where would I get it since I’m only 13 and don’t want my parents to know? Where can I get condoms without my parents knowing, or am I too young? Please help me!

Answer:
It really makes Ms. HeartBeat sad to read letters like this. I wish more young ladies would value themselves and their bodies, because once it’s damaged emotionally or psychologically, you can’t undo it.

You are just a baby honey! Your body is still growing… trying to finish developing. That means you are not physically mature enough for sex. You have no business hurting yourself to give someone else pleasure!

The sex act is designed to be an exchange of emotion and love between two consenting adults. You are, in every State I’m aware of, still considered a minor child, doing things a child has no business. Having to sneak around, hide and lie creates lots of guilt, and takes away most of the enjoyment and emotional fulfillment of the experience. The fact that you don’t want your parents to know what you are doing should tell you that is wrong for you to do.

Secondly, the fact that you are asking about condoms after the fact is frightening. I hope your partner used one, otherwise my fears about your safety and health are going to escalate even more. When young ladies know so little about their bodies, they have no business having sex.

In general (for young women old and responsible enough to engage in sex), it is best to urinate before having sex. Drink water or fruit juice. Urinate after sex to flush bacteria from the urethra to help prevent bladder infections. Everyone’s hands and body should be freshly washed with soap and water to prevent the spread of bacteria. Germs and bugs are a concern, and any young woman that has consistent pain while having intercourse should see a doctor immediately. A tipped uterus, endometriosis with adhesions, or other inflammations or pelvic infections could be reasons for the pain.

Bottom line, pain is an indicator of a problem which should be addressed by a competent medical practitioner as soon as possible.

You, however, are just too young for this stuff. Please stop having sex and putting yourself through this! Stop hanging out with older boys. You are too young to date and too young for sexual activity of any sort. Protect yourself from further trauma by watching your associations. Don’t be alone at your house or at anyone else’s house with males. Slow your roll and stop trying to move so fast through life. I know you are at the age where your hormones are blasting and you are excited about moving towards adulthood. But the pain you felt is a warning that your body is just not developed enough for the things you are doing.

Have a hot bath with Epsom salts, and wait a few days to see if the pain goes away and you heal on your own. However, if you continue to feel pain after 48 hours or so, you may have a serious vaginal tear and need to see a physician for treatment. Please tell your mother what happened so she can help you.

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