Internet dating – how to handle the first date

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I have been meeting guys on an internet site. I meet the guys usually for coffee and we seem to hit it off and have great conversation. The first meeting will sometimes even lead right into a date (movies, dinner, but NO SEX).

I always wait for the guy to call me after we meet. I have gotten called again with good conversations, but nothing ever materializes into a 2nd date. We may talk a couple of times then nothing. Am I making a mistaking by asking “when are we going to hang out again?”

One of my friend’s husband says guys could be intimidated by me because I am independent, well educated, own a home and have no kids. I say bull, that describes a lot of Black women. But could that be it? If not, what am I doing wrong???

Signed,
Dating Drama

Dear Dating Drama:
If you meet for coffee, meet for coffee woman! Don’t allow the initial date be a 2-fer (like 2 dates in one). You already had your second date with these guys the first day you met! Slow down!

When you meet them, tell them that you only have an hour and have to go back to work or to your Mom’s house, or to a meeting, or whatever. Lie if you need to. But set time limit on first date. When you leave say “it was great to meet you and I enjoyed talking to you.” THAT’S ALL YOU SAY. You don’t talk about the property you own, or what you do for work and how important you are on your job, or how much $$ you make, or your degrees.

No man gives a shit about how important you think you are or what you have accomplished. They want to know what kind of WOMAN you are and how well you fit into HIS world and how well you meet HIS needs for a loving partner.

You also don’t ask a man when you are going to hang out again. That is pressuring him to make future plans with a woman he isn’t even sure he likes yet. He needs time to go home, think about the date, figure out the pros and cons of you, THEN decide if he wants to see you again or not. He may not decide that until after he has spoken to you on the phone 2-3 time – phone calls which you keep down to about 15 minutes.

You don’t allow someone you are not involved with to monopolize your socializing time – in person or on the phone. In the meantime you keep dating, as often as possible, with no expectations of anything other than a good time for the next hour.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.