Not Aggressive Enough in Romance

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’ve been hanging out with this girl for a few weeks and want things to move forward. But I have a history of not being aggressive enough with women…and nothing ever ends up happening romantically.

What’s the best way to go about showing this girl that I’m into her without saying it? In other words, what is the best way to be more aggressive? Testing physical boundaries? Compliments? Do you have any type of date ideas? I’m trying to get this area of my dating life fixed.

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
When you want to touch her, stop talking yourself out of it. When you want to tell her how much you like her, stop talking yourself out of it.

Men tell themselves negative things like "oh, you’ll look stupid!’ or "She will probably not like it" or "I don’t know if I’m doing it right". Men are their own worst enemies sometimes, as you guys project rejection, doom and gloom, and failure when you should be positive and hopeful. Even if she isn’t as receptive as you might have hoped (she might be a little surprised, you know?) remember that no one ever died from being rebuffed.

But it is important that a woman know your interest in her is more than "just friends" so you are going to have to step up your game.

To solve your problem, next time you go out on a date just reach out and hold her hand, or touch her cheek or hair, or lightly rub her back while you look deep into her eyes with a smile when you first see her. Don’t become an octopus or grope her, just casually mix other gestures into the date as the evening proceeds.

That’s all you need to do. She’ll get the message.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.