Are relationships important to men at all?

Question:
I’ve noticed that too many guys seem to have a very lacksadasical and non-committed attitude about their partners and their relationships, whereas it seems that women take their love lives very seriously. The guys have an attitude that “if you don’t do it the way I like it, I’ll find someone that will.” Do you agree? Have other women complained about this as well?

Answer:
Relationships (per se) are not as important to men as they are to women. Men want appreciation, love, sex, a home, respect, security and often a family, but feel those things are not necessary ingredients to success as a man in our society. Men tend to be cautious about commitment because they see it more as a responsibility and loss. After all, marriage means kids, bills, financial responsibility and loss of freedom.

Once married or committed, they give up their chances to carouse with half-naked Brazilian beauties in Rio, go into a bar and leave with a gorgeous model, or have the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders over for a hot-tub party with his buddies!

Yes, we ladies know this is unrealistic, but it is how many men think! Women see love and commitment as a positive, the acquisition of their dream. So you see, he gives up his fantasies to provide his woman with her reality. It’s a real problem for some guys.

There is also the possibility that what you consider to be a relationship is for him nothing but a “sexship.” Don’t think that because you have had sex that you have a relationship.

A sexship is defined as a relationship where you are having sex with a man that is not committed to you. He calls, he visits, takes you out, primarily to have sex with you. Very few sexships evolve into quality, committed loving relationships. Once a woman has sex, she often begins to have expectations and emotional attachments. She may begin to feel committed to him and all he feels is that he has had some sex.

Getting down in bed has absolutely nothing to do with getting a husband or a commitment. Until he makes up his mind that he wants JUST YOU, he won’t be committed. He will continue to date other women. He may know you aren’t the one, but still kinda like you so he sticks around.

But on the other hand, maybe his reluctance to commit doesn’t have anything to do with you personally… he just can’t commit to ANYONE.

The key to success is for the women to be a little bit more in love than the woman is, or at least at the same level. You must step back and let him come to you. Don’t call him all the time; don’t be so available. Tell him NO sometimes. Don’t let him know where you are all the time. Be sexy and mysterious. Let him observe other men admiring or flirting with you.

Adjust your attitude to I’m LARGE AND IN CHARGE. This attitude adjustment will challenge him, make his male desire to win and conquer rise to the fore. He’ll become more attentive and affectionate towards you. Give him space and time to give what he wants to give of his time and his heart. If nothing comes forth, you know that he doesn’t really love you enough to establish a long-term relationship anyway, and you’ll have all the information you need.

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.